I Am Me

There's something that feels so good about being myself. Sometimes I have a hard time not conforming to others opinions and thoughts, and it is imprisoning. This seems so funny, but I recently admitted to liking Hannah Montana, and although it was readily scoffed at, I can now laugh at the show out loud. And it feels good to laugh out loud.

I've had a hard time finding myself for the last while. Especially where I live now. I don't have the opportunity to play sports, I have more demands on my time (although beautiful demands, mostly), the other girls I know all want to do crafts and I don't, etc. Anyway, I noticed that this past year I was putting myself down to make other people feel special or smart or cool. And the result - I have negated myself down to the size of a small undesirable with no ounce of self esteem or the ability to stand up for myself. I've been nearly squished.

Now, don't think that I know exactly how to fix this. It's not like it is going to go away easily, especially after cultivating it for months on months. I suppose I'll have to try and create a habit in the other direction. And it's going to be hard.

Did you know that I can draw? I didn't, at least, I forgot I could. I found a couple of my drawings the other week when I was cleaning out some old files. They were from high school, almost 10 years ago.

And it begins. Finding myself. I went running yesterday, which I don't like, but it makes me feel good to exercise. Step one.

Now on to step two. I'm going to draw a picture.